Most divorces aren’t caused by one significant incident. It’s often the result of irreconcilable differences and years of petty disagreements and misunderstandings. The one big event just blew the resentments and anger wide open.
If your marriage is in trouble, your instinct will tell you to seek help. The kind of help you’re looking for wholly depends on you, however. You could be looking for a therapist or divorce lawyer in Colorado Springs. Both will help you in their own way.
All couples, whether old or new, should learn from the mistakes committed by failed marriages. If you think your marriage is in trouble, here are a few pointers for navigating through this challenging time:
1. Know what you want and act on it
The question is not whether your marriage is worth saving, but if you want to save your marriage. Those two questions will have two different answers. Your answer should reveal your truth and what you want.
Some people stay in a marriage because they feel that’s what they’re expected to do. Other people might also pressure you into staying in a marriage. Other answers might even have a religious aspect, that a commitment to God can never be broken.
Always be honest yourself. If your gut tells you to get a divorce, act on it.
2. It takes two to tango
Having a 50/50 mindset is the surest way to destroy a relationship. While 50/50 might be true when it comes to the division of property, you shouldn’t carry that mentality over to your relationship. You’ll have already lost by keeping score.
Every relationship ebbs and flows. There are days when you need more, and there are days when you’ll do more. The same should be true for your spouse as well. There might be times that you feel that you’re carrying the entire relationship on your back. If that’s the case, talk to your partner.
You shouldn’t feel like you owe your partner something, or they owe you. Marriage is a collaboration, and you have to be prepared to give more than what you take once in a while.
3. Don’t win every argument
It’s natural to get the urge to win an argument, especially if you feel you’re right or have done nothing wrong. But ask yourself, do you want to win, or do you want to stay married? Sometimes, saying nothing is better than saying a whole lot of something. Better yet, don’t start an argument.
However, this only applies to frivolous arguments. For matters of consequence, always communicate properly.
4. Watch your language
Familiarity often leads to contempt. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re free to say mean things or crack offensive jokes at your partner’s expense. Talk to your partner the way you want them to talk to you. Words matter, especially when it comes to relationships.
These strategies will not necessarily save your marriage. But they will change the way you deal with your partner. Marriage is a two-way street. A couple has to be in sync for a relationship to work.
Even if you want to save the marriage, your partner might not feel the same way. Communicate what you feel and ask your partner to do the same. You might find that both of you are on the same page.